Today is October

We're in October now. I don't understand time; how did this happen? It's nearing the end of 2007, it's fall now, the rains have begun, school has started for nearly everyone I know, my 23rd birthday approaches (eek!), all of this. It's disorienting, not going through the fall routine with all of my friends that I have done for the past four years. I am waiting. Today is the first day of school in Coria, Spain. I have been moving toward this date since May, when I found out was accepted as an English language assistant. I said goodbye to everyone and was ready to leave September 22, but my visa wasn't. Spanish bureaucracy, wonderful. Now I am wasting time, waiting until I can leave. I hate the concept of wasting time but it is very difficult to avoid this mentality with nothing to do. This state of limbo where I find myself is tremendously unsettling. I have never felt this homeless before. I don't belong anywhere, even though I feel welcome in many places. During this past month of waiting, I have come to realize that my parents' home is no longer my home, no matter how much I want it to be. Everyone must experience this at some point, probably sooner than I have. Shit, this must be a part of growing up. Something that I been resisting: adulthood. It seems like I should still be able to put it off for awhile longer, even though graduating from college is a big step in its direction. Shudder. Yet, this period of waiting (not yet over) has made me feel less like a capable adult than I have felt in a long while. No responsibilities, no routine, and no obligation. It seems nice but also includes relying on others, burdening them, and not having my own space. I guess it comes down to the fact that I don't know what I want and I probably won't be satisfied or content for a long time. At least that way I can't become complacent. And at least my first job out of college includes traveling, with very little commitment. I guess I don't have to get serious too fast.

Anyway, I leave for Spain on October 10. The school in Coria is finding me a place to live (thank god!). I can't wait to start using my brain again. I haven't spoken Spanish for several months, so this should be a welcomed challenge. I was advised not to write too much, so if this is too much, please stop reading. I hope to hear from everyone while I'm away. School ends at the end of May, but who knows when I will return?