The Aftermath

I'm sitting here, it's Tuesday night, I'm eating an apple. I've designated the next few hours to researching graduate schools, so of course I blog instead (another thing I've put off for a week). I don't understand how I've been back in Seattle for nearly a week; time is rapidly escaping me in an utterly incomprehensible way that leaves me feeling panicked and far from being in control.

I made some decisions during the trip to Utah and now I feel the necessity to move in the direction of their implementation. Yet, there is the stumbling block of HOW. And I do feel as though I am stumbling along the path of Life at the present, bumbling along, semi-conscious of what I need to be doing to get where I want to be. That's a difference, though: I know where I want to be (more or less, work with me, please). Because the half-formed ideas that have been rattling around in my head are coming together into something coherent. And now I just have to get there.

I wish I could say that this trip was what I needed, but I'm not quite sure. It exposed the restlessness, the discontent, these issues that have been plaguing me under the guise of a meaningless, stifling job--which is only part of a much larger situation. I realized and finally admitted to myself that I wasn't happy with most aspects of my life. One possible solution is to shake it up completely, toss it in the air, and quickly reassemble the pieces as they fall before they re-solidify into more of the same.

I want to leave Seattle. I want to leave Washington. I've lived in Spain, I've traveled extensively in Central America and Europe, yet I have few tangible experiences from within my own country. I've only lived along the I-5 corridor in Washington, and it's time to leave. Graduate school is the prime opportunity.

Now, how to get there.